


Who do we call at the edge of the night?

by kk325



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:59:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3625770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kk325/pseuds/kk325
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 2x16 // Lexa is dealing with the aftermath of her actions at the Mountain when she hears the whispers of a blonde hair spirit wandering in the North</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who do we call at the edge of the night?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by RAIGN's "Don't Let Me Go"

She moved quickly thru the tunnels, finishing off any enemy that may have remained. Her heart was racing, her mind clear and focused. The smell of blood and gun powder filled the air around her, it was nearly suffocating, but Lexa did not mind it for she loved the smell of war, war was when she felt most alive. War was when she felt calm. The battle had ended and she was now moving thru the Reaper tunnels under the mountain looking for Clarke. Clarke needed to know that Lexa came back, that she didn’t abandon Clarke at the Mountain, letting Clarke know that Lexa was here was all that mattered to her right now. As she rounded the bend she sees a flash of gold down a side tunnel in the corner of her eye, she turns and races towards it. “Clarke!” Lexa calls out. As she approaches though she sees Clarke slumped against the wall her eyes open and not moving. “No…no Clarke you are okay, you have to be okay…I came back…I came back for you…” Lexa whispers quietly to herself as she holds a few strands of Clarke’s golden hair in her fingers. The tears in Lexa’s eyes are threatening to fall, but she holds them back for she cannot be seen crying, not yet alteast, for she is the Commander, Heda of the twelve clans and must not show weakness. Still her eyes sting and her head whips around at the sound of footsteps behind her. She expects it to be one of her warriors but it’s not, its Clarke.  
Clarke steps out from the shadows, “Look at what you have done Lexa,” her voice cold and unfriendly. Lexa looks back to the body slumped against the wall and back again at Clarke who is still standing behind her. “No, how can this be, you cannot be dead Clarke. Your fight is not over!” Lexa is growing angry and the tears she’s been so strongly holding back are fighting to fall like the rain. Clarke takes a few steps towards her and whispers into Lexa’s ear, “Oh I am dead Lexa, my head smashed against the wall by a reaper, but you are the reason I am dead. You left me alone on this mountain and I died because of you. Love may be a weakness Lexa, but so is cowardice. And you are a coward.” And finally the tears in Lexa’s eyes fall.

\--------------------------------

Lexa wakes quickly, covered in a cold sweat; her one hand gripping her knife, the other gripping the furs of her bed. She cannot get her breathing under control, each gasp feels like her last, and all she wants to do is scream, but she can’t. So instead Lexa sits in silence and practices her breathing exercises that Anya taught her when she was but a child. “Ron ai jova in [Give me courage],” she whispers to herself in between each breath she talks. She had the same dream she has had nearly every night since she ordered her army to retreat and abandoned Clarke at the Mountain. It had been nearly 7 weeks since that night, and every night she has the same nightmare. They differ in the details, but Clarke is always dead and her spirit blaming Lexa. Lexa knows it’s true, for if Clarke is dead it is because of her. She gets up from her bed and moves towards her war table, pouring herself some water she gazes over the maps of her land. She places her land on Polis, her current location, and then traces the way to Camp Jaha with her fingers. It had been two weeks since she had last sent her scouts to Camp Jaha seeking answers of Clarke’s wellbeing and they should be back soon, hopefully with a better outcome. 

The first time she sent scouts out was a few days after her betrayal; they had found the mountain empty except for the corpses of the Mountain men. When prompted by their Commander for news on the Sky people they reported back that they did not find any of the Skaikru, dead or alive, inside the Mountain. Lexa sent her scouts back out again a week after they returned. She had given them strict instructions to locate the whereabouts of Clarke and her people. When they had returned they reported that while they had observed the Skaikru from a safe distance that not once did they see Clarke among the camp. This had worried Lexa, she feared Clarke to be dead. Then two weeks ago while walking thru the streets of Polis she overheard tales from her warriors who claim to have seen a spirit with golden hair wandering the land alone. Lexa immediately ordered her scouts to be sent back out to see find this so-called spirit. “It must be Clarke,” she told herself later that night before she succumbed to a nightmare filled sleep. 

It had now been two weeks since her scouts left and Lexa was growing restless; reports from other villages said that her scouts would arrive back at Polis today and Lexa needed answers. She abandoned her maps and began to strap on her armor and then exited the tent. It was not quite dawn yet and the streets were empty for the most part. Her face stoic, unrevealing, as she walked the alleys and side streets until she reached the gates; she stopped and waited. Lexa stood there for what seemed like hours until she finally saw the scouts returning on their horses. Something wasn’t right though, the one horse was pulling a cart behind it and as the scouts approached the gates Lexa saw Clarke lying on the cart covered in furs and unconscious. She approached the scouts quickly, her emotions threatening to break her control, as she asked them in her native tongue what happened. They reported that they had followed the whispers of the golden-haired spirt all the way to a remote village to the North. It was at this village they had found Clarke, she was unconscious and half starved to death when she was found by one of the villagers. Knowing who she was they cared for her out of thanks for destroying the mountain. Lexa nodded, thanking her scouts for their work, she then ordered that a cot and Nyko be brought to her tent immediately. She lifted Clarke from the furs and carried her to her tent.

It was 4 days before Clarke finally awoke, Lexa bolted from her work when she heard Clarke stir. “Clarke, it’s okay you’re safe…” she said sweetly as she gently pushed Clarke’s hair from her face. Clarke froze under Lexa’s touch, her blue eyes seeming so much colder and empty then Lexa had ever thought possible. Lexa withdrew her hand from Clarke, her stoic mask replacing the affection and worry in her eyes. Clarke finally speaks up, her voice cracking and barely a whisper, “You let me die.” “No Clarke I did not, you are safe and you are alive. Your strength will return to you soon, just rest,” Lexa replies hoping her words will make Clarke relax, for she is visibly tense, like a cobra ready to strike. Clarke shakes her head at Lexa’s words, “No. I am dead. The girl I was is dead. I am not Clarke of the Sky People. I am ‘Clarke, Bringer of Death’ I died the moment you turned your back on me…” A single tear escapes Lexa and falls. Clarke continues, “You left me, you abandoned me and my people when we needed you most. I needed you Lexa and you left me.” Clarke chokes on the sob she is holding back, “I had to do horrible things to get my people back, horrible things because I had no other choice. It was them or us, and I had to do it..I had to do it….” Clarke’s voice trails off, she rolls over looking away from Lexa and Lexa can see her body shudder and she knows Clarke is crying. Lexa wants to hold Clarke and comfort her, but she knows that is not what Clarke wants, so instead she gets up and leaves the tent.

Clarke has been at Polis for a week now, her strength is coming back slowly and she has not said a word to Lexa since she woke up. Lexa spends as little time in her tent as she can; she has gone hunting whenever possible, met with clan leaders at all hours of the day and night. Lexa cannot bear being near Clarke right now, not when Clarke can barely look at Lexa. At night Lexa sits guard over Clarke while she sleeps, refusing to let any harm befall her. That doesn’t seem to keep Clarke from having nightmares though. Nearly every night Clarke screams in her sleep and every time Lexa reaches out to comfort the girl but stops out of fear that her embrace would just make things worse for Clarke. Lexa is thankful for her war paint lately for it shields the dark circles that surround her tired, sad eyes. She knows she cannot continue to go on like this without sleep, she knows as Commander she must be strong and ready for war at a moment’s notice. She must be strong for her people, but right now Lexa feels weak. “Ai hod yu in Klark [I love you Clarke] ,” Lexa whispers one night as she watches over Clarke knowing that no one will hear her as says the words, but Lexa was wrong. Clarke was awake, her back turned to Lexa as she opened her heart, Clarke rolls over onto her back and staring at the ceiling whispers back, “Hodnes laik kwelnes [Love is weakness].” 

\--------------------------------------------------

It had been three months since Lexa’s scouts brought Clarke back to Polis. Clarke told Lexa she understood why she left after a month; and Lexa said she understood why Clarke couldn’t forgive her. After two months Clarke slipped into Lexa’s bed after a particularly painful nightmare, Lexa did not object just wrapped her arms around Clarke until they both fell back to sleep. And so it continued, they went about their lives in a comfortable silence, knowing that the other was the only one who really understood the other’s inner demons and turmoil and both girls found some comfort in that.

After a long day of dealing with a border dispute between the Ice People and the Boat People Lexa was ready to wash away her war paint, strip herself of her heavy armor, and to just curl up in her furs. She entered her tent to find Clarke already asleep in the bed. Lexa quietly slipped in next to Clarke not wanting to wake her. Clarke’s body immediately attached itself to Lexa’s and Lexa shortly was asleep. It was Lexa’s screams that woke Clarke from her sleep, Clarke cradled Lexa coaxing her awake. “Lexa, wake up, shhh, it’s just a nightmare it isn’t real.” Clarke tightens her hold around Lexa as Lexa finally comes to. “I am sorry Clarke, I did not mean to wake you.” Lexa allows herself to stay wrapped in Clarke’s comforting arms as she steadies her breathing and heart rate. “What happened in your dream? I’ve never heard you scream in it, usually you just thrash around until you relax,” Clarke asked concern in her voice. Lexa swallows, and begins to tell Clarke of the dreams she has had every night since the Mountain, she pauses before continuing, “Tonight was different though, it wasn’t the same.” Clarke’s arms have released Lexa after hearing how she has haunted Lexa’s nights. The two girls sit side by side in silence, until Clarke speaks up and asks what happened in Lexa’s nightmare tonight then, what was so terrifying that made Lexa, the stoic and calm Commander, scream out in the middle of the night like that. Lexa waits a minute; her hands mindlessly rubbing over the fur blankets in front of her, her eyes cast downward, avoiding eye contact with the blonde. “Tonight I dreamt of you. You were dead in the Mountain, like all my nightmares, but this time I kissed you…Costia had always told me stories of how a kiss from a true love would bring the beautiful princesses of old back to life. I had thought that maybe it would work on you, so I kissed you. You woke up, your blue eyes staring back into me, searing themselves onto my soul and then I felt a knife go thru my heart….this is when you woke me up….” Lexa finally meets Clarke’s gaze, its soft and Lexa can tell Clarke wants to ask something. “You have a question Clarke, please ask it, but I think you already know the answer.” Lexa holds Clarke’s eyes as she says this. “It was me, wasn’t it? I stabbed you.” It wasn’t a question; Clarke knew that she killed Lexa in Lexa’s dream. Lexa simply nods. Clarke begins to sob, making her whole body convulse and shake as she struggles to breathe between the sobs. Lexa is unsure what to do, so she does the only thing that crosses her mind. She kisses Clarke. Her hands pull Clarke’s face towards her and Lexa kisses Clarke softly. At first Clarke freezes, her breath catching in her chest, and then she is kissing Lexa back. Their mouths are hungry for each other, but neither girl pushes for anything more. As Lexa breaks the kiss she presses her forehead against Clarke’s and softly cries. It is Clarke who speaks first, “Don’t let me go Lexa? Please? I can’t lose you again…I love you Lexa and I need you please don’t leave me when I need you again?” Lexa kisses Clarke’s forehead and the two girls lay back down, holding onto each other for dear life. Lexa feels Clarke’s breathing steady and when she believes the blonde girl to finally be asleep she whispers a promise to Clarke, “I won’t let go Clarke. I will carry you in my beating heart always…Osir keryon ste teina Klark [Our souls are tied Clarke]. Now sleep sky princess.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic that I have ever actually published, its also the first one I have written in years. Um my grammar is probably terrible as is this whole thing, advice or pointers would be great. Hopefully you guys don't think its terrible. (Im on tumblr as surface-envy)


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